I've been thinking about writing something about this for a while, I have a very vivid and wild imagination. I can't always describe what i mean or what i can see in my mind... so this ramble is dedicated to anyone looking for some light today.
As most of you know I've been soul searching for the past year or so... or maybe for many years but now I'm consciously doing it (well almost!).
At first glance i can hear you say; what on earth does SOUL searching mean? What is a soul? What do we do with it? What does it mean to you?
There is no right or wrong answer.
I experienced something 2 years ago which i now value as my biggest life changing moment.
Yeah it broke my soul, it scared it, it burnt it, buried it... and worst of all i thought that was it. That was my life and to be honest i didn't want it to be my life but couldn't see a way out.
( by the way if you can't keep up with me its okay, I am talking from personal experience and find when i share my stories it hopefully helps others too.)
So on the topic of SOUL.
I look back a year ago, and i can see dark, battered, moody gates; like a torn muscle, frayed and hanging off its bone.
It was tough, very strong but scarred so much it needed rebuilding. It was, what felt like broken.
When you think of your soul; its not your emotions, its not your mind, its not your thoughts, its not your actions... its YOU. Its the piece of you that will always be there, even when you go.
So its a pretty big deal.
It needs nurturing, it needs looking after. Yes it can absolutely be scared and beaten by life experiences, I'm sure you all have situations that pop into your mind that you think 'Yeah that really god dam hurt me and i can feel it' or 'I was so content then, it was soulful happy' ...
I don't think its a beginning and ending situation, we have to look after it day after day. Yeah its totally natural to go off and forget to look after it, thats not what I'm saying.
I'm just saying when you start being aware of it, you'll start being so careful how you look after it. Protecting it, doing 'self love' for it, recognising what your absorbing into it.
If somebody asked you to hold a new born puppy, you would love it so much and also be so scared to hurt it as its so delicate... like your soul.
You can make up your own images of your soul. It can be anything.
July is important for me, I look back and realise how different i am. (not literally on the outside) I mean inside, I'm no longer in pain and crying for help.
Yeah of course things are going to happen, life is naturally going to be tough.
But my soul is stronger and it feels so concrete.
I now see my soul still as a the old gates, but fixed up a bit, maybe some greenery at the bottom, few flowers, its still solid, still needs work, but i love my scars now.
I love what the scars have taught me, where i am today is because of the scars and bruises.
This might have been the most confusing thing you've ever read ahaha...
but essentially I'm talking about HOPE.
Even if it feels like the smallest glimmer of hope, hold onto it.
Because i promise promise promise holding onto it will mould you and give you trust in life again.
Sending lots of love and hope to you all.
Thank you for reading my ramble of words this Monday.