When life gives you lemons...


There was only one thing to do when 2017 pelted some juicy lemons at me, pack my bags and travel alone.

As many of my best friends and family know, I am scared, nervous and worried about pretty much everything; I'm the kind of person who gets to the airport 3 hours earlier than you need to.

I have been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks since 2011, spending a big chunk of this time thinking 'this is it, this is my life, anxiety.' I love talking to people about their mental health experiences and sharing stories; the worst feeling of all is feeling alone, like there is no way out.

Last September we were going to Spain for a family jolly, having recently been heartbroken (get the violin out) my mind was all over the place. I planned my journey alone from London; taxi booked, train booked, tickets printed, proud of myself; i get to Luton airport with 2 hours to spare to realise i should be at Stansted airport. First thought: You're an idiot. You're an idiot and that's why nobody will ever love you... (still need the violin). Fortunately because i was so early i made it to Stansted and made my flight to meet my family in Spain. These few hours were spent beating myself up, feeling embarrassed and getting a lot of (comical) abuse from my brother in laws. Luckily for me, I had already started my journey with Mindfulness but it was only early stages.

Learning to be kind to yourself in these situations is so important, learning to control your thoughts and emotions is challenging but totally worth it.

I moved to London in 2012, after 6 mental years i decided to move out as the big smoke life wasn't for me, I've been a PA for 6 years and have been saying 'I don't want to work in an office' for 5 of these years! I started my own Pole Dance Studio in 2014 called CocoClubPole, I made friends for life, shared so many amazing memories with my students and teachers. It was a downward spiral when i decided to close the studio at the end of in 2016. I handed in my notice in October, booked my flight to Singapore and moved all my stuff home to my parents (Very lucky to have my parents support on this...before they saw how much stuff i had). My travels alone, meeting friends and family were incredible and without a doubt the best thing to do - I will write a separate blog on travelling alone.

Turning 30; society naturally makes you worry about where you are in your life, compare yourself to others and make you anxious about the future. I discovered after 2 months travelling that i needed to follow my dreams, there was a reason i'd left London and that life.

I sent a few emails when i was in Dubai and the day after i set foot back in the UK i had a call; an opportunity too good to be true... which made me realise for the first time in my life, at 30 years old, everything does happen for a reason, even if you don't see it straight away.

Welcome to my first blog of many! I love stretching, flexibility training, fitness, a healthy mind, mindfulness, yoga, talking about mental health, laughing at myself and other people, living in the present and not taking it all to seriously as you don't know when the next batch of lemons are coming.

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