Its been 2 years since I was bullied.
Its been 1 year since I realised I was extremely unhappy and needed help.
Its been in the last few months I no longer feel a victim.
Its been in the last few months of self love I feel more content.
I’ve just been for a walk and thought maybe it would be helpful to share my experience with ‘self love/self care’ …as you might be similar to me in that you didn’t understand what any of this means!
I reflect on the ‘incident’ a lot because it has changed my life; it has scared my soul, it has been extremely painful, but I also don’t know where I would be if it hadn’t happened.
Your soul is precious. Look after it.
I have changed my life and built a business in this time. I have travelled and have amazing memories with friends and family. But at the time I would still go to bed miserable.
I created situations, scenarios and relationships based on my anxious low state, In my mind I was the victim, It was everyone else fault, I was incredibly insecure, my self-esteem was rock bottom.
If i had a pound for every time i thought or said 'why is this happening to me?'
Every decision I made was self-destructive because I didn’t like myself.
I wanted everybody to like me, but not for me, for this version of myself I had created. It was absolutely vital that everybody liked me...
What does it mean to have everybody like you? How important is it?
How Self Love helped me:
I no longer make choices created by my own insecurities.
This isn’t arrogance, a power trip or believing you’re better than anyone.
There is zero ego or arrogance here, I don’t have time for that.
It’s the opposite; everything you say and do is genuine, the care you have for people is more real, because when you care about yourself: it comes naturally to be kind and nice to others.
There is no arrogance in being kind.
Its a long journey, you don’t wake up one day and decide to love yourself.
I had over 20 years of nasty self talk to look into and comprehend why have I done that to myself? Why did I speak so badly of myself? Who did that help? and who did that attract?
A huge but very tough part of Self Love is: forgiving yourself and forgiving others.
Forgive yourself for making some questionable decisions and forgive others for being part of your destructive path.
I have to make a point here that I haven’t perfected this and maybe never will but it helps to note it, identify it and don’t beat yourself up over it.
We are in charge of the choices we make, it isn’t somebody else’s fault we let them treat us in a certain way or that they acted a certain way. If you are insecure and are feeling particularly low, it can result in your blaming other people, it can feel like everybody is against you. It is a dangerous path to go down.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
It takes a lot of reflection to recognise and digest this.
When you start doing this, you’ll recognise what choices you’re making, how you’re looking after yourself, how people are treating you.
What a great incentive to work on yourself and learn to love yourself!!
I’m still learning.
I had an incident a few months ago where I took something very personal, i was emotional, hurt, blamed everyone else for this happening to me.
I sat with it, realised wait!! No... I can choose how I react to this, I won’t let somebody elses actions bring me down, I won’t let what somebody else has done to affect my life and how I feel about myself.
You start to see how destructive it can be, small incidents can have a huge effect on your self-esteem and insecurity. It can cause spite and jealousy, which i don't believe is how we are born. I think this has got incredibly worse since social media consumed our lives.
None of us ever like to admit it if were jealous, (its a taboo subject) .
I would question an area In my own life that I am comparing to somebody elses life.
What is it about their life that is causing you to be jealous?
Be kind to yourself. It’s a natural reaction, its social medias favourite game, its society’s way of pushing you to feel rubbish about yourself.
Being grateful.
I think its very important to note if you’re anxious, depressed, feeling very low you are NOT ungrateful. It doesn’t mean you don’t appreciate.
I think its deeper than that, I think it means you don’t feel you deserve everything you have, because you’ve told yourself you’re not good enough and don’t deserve this life.
Check in, when you’re content the air seems clearer, the walls seem lighter, your body feels brighter, so you can be grateful for the small things in your life.
Those small gratitudes can do an amazing job when you’re feeling low.
What is Self Love?
I think its recognising your thoughts towards yourself and your thoughts towards others.
I’ve created a barrier against anybody hurting me, but its not the barrier that’ll help me, its how I now respond to situations. There is no right or wrong. You're protecting yourself.
I am not condoning all actions.
Learn and reflect. Take some time to do this, you don't need to rush it.
Then we start creating self worth, respect for yourself.
You are the most important person you should have full respect for.
This will help grow your self esteem and confidence.
With all this, you feel yourself becoming real, genuine and authentic.
You start attracting people who are genuinely interested about you and your life.
Self Love to me is having kindness towards yourself: resulting in empathy and kindness towards others.
Thank you for reading my rambling words and notes, i really appreciate it.
Big love to you
Bryony xxx