I have a lot of thoughts; all the time.
My mind is always curious, taking everything in, turning information upside-down,
over-analysing, overthinking, catastrophising, dramatizing, its distracted when I see something interesting, its always creating, pondering, wishing, wondering, learning and at times; looking for peace.
I have always been like this. I remember when I was learning to read in primary school, maybe age 8/9 I could not focus on the words infront of me. I always thought it was a ‘short attention’ span. Which maybe it is; but how do you explain the 700 other things going on in your mind that is taking up all the space. I would return to a sentence and within seconds my mind was elsewhere and I didn’t tell anyone this was happening.
As an adult I’ve had situations where I have not been focussing, had short attention span or gone blank when somebody is talking to me… as an adult its even harder to explain what else is in my mind and say ‘sorry I wasn’t listening to you’ or that ‘I struggle to focus so can you please say it slowly.’ Simply put; overthinking causes me to be distracted and not in the present moment.
I’m not like this all the time; around the right people I’m fully there, when I’m teaching, when I’m focussed on something I love, when I feel content with life – I’m fully there.
Recently, in Bali, I’ve been spending a lot of time in my head trying to make sense of the World and what’s happening around me.
It’s very deep and intense at the moment; maybe this is just adult life and we’re all trying to find out the best way to live it without feeling shit.
Something I’m struggling with at the moment is everyone’s high expectations and visions of ‘perfection’.
I’m worried we don’t have much time anymore for people who make mistakes, are having a bad day, are struggling or feeling the heaviness of the world.
We don’t want to hear about it; we want to protect our peace, zero toxicity, no bad vibes, no negative thoughts, only positive vibes that stroke our ego and make us feel good.
We are all looking for the secret answer to happiness, we compare lives, we think the grass is greener on the other side, we think if we look aesthetically pleasing; people will like us and I won’t get into how amazing our lives look on social media.
The reason I find this all so hard is because I enjoy talking about the deep stuff, I enjoy analysing what’s happening in our lives, the toxic traits we all have, the mistakes we make and the failures that have had huge impacts on our lives.
This is why I feel like I don’t fit in most of the time, especially in the Pole ‘Community’ I can’t spend all my time on social media being ‘real’ and there is certainly no place for a bad photo or video as people don't like it and I’m absolutely exhausted from it all at the moment.
Perfectionism it at its all time high; perfect videos, perfect photography, perfect editing, perfect social media, perfect new boots, perfect bodies, perfect ‘wrinkle free’ faces, perfect lips, boobs and bum, perfect pointed toes and perfect clothing that only fits the perfect figure.
I can’t keep up with it…so I feel like I’m falling behind.
Somebody asked me today “Why don’t you do Nutrition alongside your tutorials?” because they want to loose weight and be ‘healthy’.
My answer is very simple; I don’t tell people what to eat and I don’t do this job to tell people what they should ‘look’ like or think about their bodies.
But ultimately as a business owner you should be rolling with the times, be ahead of the times and know what the future holds so you can plan ahead.
So I’m in a strange place; what do I want to promote in the future?
What do the people want that are similar to me?
Where do we sit in our ‘messy’ world?
To be continued…