It's not just a logo, a brand, a business idea or a social media gimmick to be a woman entrepreneur.
There is so much more behind the Jpeg, the Instagram feed and the face of a business.
Warning: please note some parts may be difficult to read and I'm not a professional in mental health; these are personal notes.
Okay deep breath…
The ‘B’ was created at the darkest, mentally toughest time of my life.
I thought I’d been through the worst of anxiety and panic attacks in London, but this was a crazy new wave of dark panic, crept up on me with sleepless nights, no appetite, hating myself and absolutely no desire to do this thing called ‘living life’...why should we?
Mad right; we’re all in this life together...yet our minds can very cleverly build our worlds to be so small, lonely and even make us not want to be here.
In my ‘what am i doing here’ state I managed to create
The B Movement.
Which is unbelievable, my state of mind wasn’t looking forward or planning ahead like a business owner should be. I didn't have a clue what i was doing.
I was focusing on how shit I was, my self esteem was rock bottom, I wasn’t part of any team or group; I was (in my mind) lonely and I didn’t belong here. I didn't fit in.
As if by magic, the creative part in my mind was alive, buzzing to do something big. I put all my effort into the B logo, while hating myself and day by day fighting with the pain and suffering, this B was keeping me going.
I drew around the edges of my body in the image, completely disconnected to the fact it was me, it became easier to push her away and onto a screen. I worked hard researching and doing branding, website content and social media but I didn’t have a focus, a goal or a ‘why?’ I was working to take my mind off the pain.
Say whaaaaat? How can your mind convince you you’re so alone and nobody will mind if you no longer existed…but this same mind – can create?!!
I actually don’t have an answer for this, magic? Was it the moon…? #itwasthemoon.
Hit me up with your explanations....
I now look at the B totally differently. It represents my passion for people; helping people, talking to people, sharing stories, laughing, crying and genuinely sharing this crazy life journey together. That’s what the B means to me now. With an added bonus of teaching and sharing the love for what i do. #upsidedownlife
I was once told you can't mix business and emotions.
I got emotionally attached to work places, being forthright has got me into trouble before, nothing major...just a few hiccups. I swear.
I believed: I am too emotional, I’ll never be good at my job.
I haven’t fought against that, I haven’t intentionally started a business to see if I can mix work and my mind…that would be weird and a verrryyy risky project.
It has just happened; the tears, the laughs, the anger, the stress, the smiles, all make you passionate and that’s what drives you.
I decided to look into the pain, I realised it wasn't leaving so I needed to create something with it. Not just for me, but to help others too.
We all have something that has hurt us and it has changed us forever.
I'm still learning, soul searching, making big mistakes, making small pat on the back moments and looking for the calm mind.
Reach out if you're on a similar journey. The more we share and tell stories, the more we can help each other.
Thank you so much for reading,
The B Movement